Monday, January 4, 2010

Modern Life

The fast pace of modern life has advanced society in many significant ways. Most of these changes have been great for business. Here are some of the realities of modern life that have made my life as pointy haired boss better:

  1. People getting married later. When employees aren't distracted by something as silly as a family, they can spend more time getting work done.
  2. Higher divorce rates. Again, without the distractions of a marital relationship and family, employees can better focus on the important things, like getting more work done.
  3. Fewer community ties and friendships with neighbors. It's much better that interpersonal interactions be work related. When there are relationships to people outside of the workplace, those are more distractions that take away from on-the-job productivity.
  4. Smartphones. I love my employees having these. That way I can e-mail and call them whenever I want something done. There's no reason I can't leverage their labor even if they're not in the office.
  5. The demise of the sit down dinner. Having an employee say they couldn't talk because the family was having dinner annoyed me to no end. Now that we've come to our senses and started ignoring the inanity of listening to what junior did at school, all my employees now have no excuse for not answering my calls at home.
  6. Fast food and prepackaged industrial foods. These have been a boon for my business. Having my employees waste so much time doing something as time-wasting as eating always annoyed me. With packaged and fast food, they can get their sustenance much more efficiently and get back to work.
  7. Internet. The internet has made it possible for me to outsource most of my development to overseas workers, who are far cheaper than the overpaid domestic programmers. It's allowed me to lower my costs and solidified my control over my remaining domestic employees; since they now know that they are so easily replaceable by outsourced labor, they don't complain about the extra workload I give them.

Some people may long for the "good old days." I say that today is pretty good.

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Joseph M. Scandura, incompetent moron, idiot, pompous, stupid, failure, asshole, arrogant, bullshit, micromanager of the year, technologically clueless, ignorant, condescending, senile, dementia