Saturday, October 30, 2010


I'm usually not a fan of stomp, but this may be the best rendition of it I've seen in a long time:

I get a kick out of watching the video. If that stupid girl had been using her head, she would have been at work earning her paycheck instead of wasting time at political rallies.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Willpower: suck it up!

The myth that willpower is a limited resource has been busted. People's inability to stay focused on a task is the product of a weak will, not any inherent limit to the amount of work they can force themselves to do. I've known this all along. It's best to just force your employees to work long hours. Quitting time is artificially short. They can work much longer than 8 hour days. There's no reason not to have 16+ hour days. If my employees are too weak to keep themselves working for that long, then I can use my wellspring of willpower to keep them in line. There is a far deeper reserve of power to work than is usually tapped.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Monster Employees

In the spirit of Halloween, I thought I'd post my thoughts of the different types of employees around the office:

Ghosts - This is what most of my employees are like. They are insubstantial and disappear at the first sign of work. If you set up cameras, there's never any direct evidence that they are around. When they're unwanted, they hang around while moaning and being a general pain in the ass.

Vampires - These employees are never around during the day. They are pale and sickly looking, yet have this air of entitlement. They seem to only come out when it's time to feed or when they need to suck up a paycheck.

Werewolves - They seem normal at first, but once a month on a full moon, they go postal. They wreak havoc on everything, and are generally not worth the trouble of having as an employee. Due to their monthly hissy fits, they're just as bad employees as most women.

Banshees - These employees don't accomplish anything other than make noise. They like to think they're doing so much by the amount of noise they're making, but the reality is that they aren't doing jack-squat. In fact, they just irritate the hell out of me with their incessant whining.

Headless Horseman - Another common employee in the office. These employees are so incompetent, it's like they don't even have a head on their shoulders. I suspect, that they are just walking around with a hollow gourd attached to their necks.

Witches - Needs no explanation. It's why I don't like to hire women.

Mummies - They're always bandaged and limping around like they're injured. It's an act. They're faking injury to get out of doing work, and are intentionally dragging their feet to draw out projects as long as possible. Unlike actual mummies, they only think that they are royalty and are entitled to benefits.

Zombies - Mindless, and brain-eating. That describes half of my workforce. Not only is there nothing going on between the ears, they have to suck the little brains from other too.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

It pays to be stingy

Have you heard the story about the Economides, "America's Cheapest Family"? Theirs is a heartwarming story about how frugality allows them to thrive and live their dreams despite not having a huge income. Their story is real-life proof that you don't have to have a ton of money to have it all. I've known this all along. You don't need to pay your employees a high salary for them to live well. They just need to learn to live more economically on a lower salary. That's my American dream: a company full of economising low paid employees who aren't draining the company coffers. If the Economides can live off of a single $35K salary to support a family of seven, then there's absolutely no reason for salaries to grow beyond that. Without the kids, that salary would be like a king's ransom. So next time you have employees clamoring for a raise, just tell them the story of the Economides and tell them to get smarter with their finances.

Monday, October 4, 2010

The Peter Principle

According to wikipedia, the Peter Principle is the principle that "in a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to their level of incompetence". In other words, at some point an employee will be promoted to a job that they are not incapable of performing. In my experience, that happens a lot even on initial hiring. That's why it is best to have high employee turnover. You want to make sure you're constantly shedding the deadweight and bringing in new talent.

It's also an argument for never promoting anyone in your company. There's a reason for nepotism. Just appoint people you like as figureheads to the higher paying positions (but not too high paying, mind you. That would eat into your paycheck). If you promoted from the lower rank grunts, they'll more than likely be incompetent anyway. You could even promote randomly for improved efficiency. If you start with an assumption of incompetence, you'll be far better off in managing your company.

Joseph M. Scandura, incompetent moron, idiot, pompous, stupid, failure, asshole, arrogant, bullshit, micromanager of the year, technologically clueless, ignorant, condescending, senile, dementia