Saturday, January 15, 2011

Imagine Eating

Thought for Food: Imagined Consumption Reduces Actual Consumption

Turns out imagining eating a food reduces your desire to eat when it comes time to actually eat the food. This is great news. When I tell my employees to imagine that they've already eaten lunch and keep working, it should work. Lunch breaks are a time killer. Another science win for the PHB!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Undercover Boss

Someone told me about this show. Like I need to watch a show about how a boss goes undercover to see how things actually work in a company. I don't need to go undercover to confirm that the workers in my company are lazy and incompetent. I already know how my company works, since I AM the company. Someone needs to make a reality TV show called "Stupid Employee of the Month." That's a show I can relate to.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

PHB Resolutions

2011 should be a good year for me. This year I resolve to:
  • Work my employees harder. Last year, they simply did not do enough.
  • Get an actual product out the door. This goes hand in hand with the first resolution. I don't know why my employees are holding things up.
  • Cut costs and consolidate. I've already started outsourcing. The next step is to "insource." I need to return to academia and find students willing to work for free for their "education." A free intern would also be good.
  • Increase work hours. If I make all the workers come with a full thermos of coffee, they should be able to put in more hours. And with an international outsourced team, there's no reason not to keep things cranking round the clock.
  • Find a competent employee. I think I may need to do a workforce refresh again.

Joseph M. Scandura, incompetent moron, idiot, pompous, stupid, failure, asshole, arrogant, bullshit, micromanager of the year, technologically clueless, ignorant, condescending, senile, dementia