Sunday, May 15, 2011

Torturous Effect

As I was recently reading the news, I saw that McCain has spoken out against the use of torture and enhanced interrogations. I used to respect the man, but I can't possibly agree with his ludicrous reasoning. So what if enhanced interrogations didn't directly lead to capturing Obama Bin Laden? Does that mean they didn't have any effect? No, of course torture is effective. I use it, or at least the threat of it, all the time to get more out of my employees.

Even if you're not torturing everyone, just abusing a few is enough to get the rest of the sheep in line. Make an underling grunt the target of your rage and abuse not only makes you feel better, but it establishes you as the alpha boss. You can keep everyone in line from the fear of becoming the next target.

The same principle is at work here. By torturing one man many times, we establish a reputation as tough bastards who don't mess around. Everyone else will cower in fear. Torture had an indirect effect in getting the necessary information. Extraordinary measures are necessary in both the world of international politics and running successful companies.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Stress is a good thing

I always say that a stressed out employee is a sign of a productive employee. Now there is science backing me up. Stress helps people remember things better. When your system is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol (like they would be when you're stressed out), you retain information better.

Since my employees have such a hard time remembering the simple instructions I give them (like "get the software working!"), I find it best to yell at them and then check up on them every 5 minutes. The stress of have a screaming boss gazing over your shoulder constantly ramps up those memory forming hormones like nothing else. They should just hand me the Nobel prize now for my genius management techniques.

Joseph M. Scandura, incompetent moron, idiot, pompous, stupid, failure, asshole, arrogant, bullshit, micromanager of the year, technologically clueless, ignorant, condescending, senile, dementia