Thursday, May 5, 2011

Stress is a good thing

I always say that a stressed out employee is a sign of a productive employee. Now there is science backing me up. Stress helps people remember things better. When your system is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol (like they would be when you're stressed out), you retain information better.

Since my employees have such a hard time remembering the simple instructions I give them (like "get the software working!"), I find it best to yell at them and then check up on them every 5 minutes. The stress of have a screaming boss gazing over your shoulder constantly ramps up those memory forming hormones like nothing else. They should just hand me the Nobel prize now for my genius management techniques.

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Joseph M. Scandura, incompetent moron, idiot, pompous, stupid, failure, asshole, arrogant, bullshit, micromanager of the year, technologically clueless, ignorant, condescending, senile, dementia