Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Puff up your resume

One of the ways to make yourself important enough to become a pointy haired boss is to gain credentials that allow you to rise through the ranks. In a past post, I wrote about tips for making yourself an authority. Those steps get your foot in the door. You will still need to take further steps to give yourself more resumé credibility.

After establishing the perception of being an authority, you need to acquire official titles and awards to put on your resumé. This can be done via internet and mail order organizations which will readily provide certifications and awards to your specifications. However, this approach can raise red flags if you choose a company that's too well known and may have a reputation for being a sham organization. It is better to create your own organization where you have complete control over the organization's public image and can control all aspects of the certifications and awards you bestow upon yourself.

Take the case of Nurse Betty. She was not even a true registered nurse, but used a fictitious nurse association to bestow an award upon herself and give herself credibility as a medical practitioner. She managed to make everyone believe that she was a nurse and established herself as a nursing authority with her ruse. Her only mistake was going too far over the top by throwing an extravagant banquet in her own honor.

I myself ascended through the ranks by forming several "institutes" and companies and putting myself in high ranking positions in those organizations. That gave me instant importance and allowed me to become more important in my area of "expertise." Boosting your resumé with organizations you control is a great PHB tool.

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Joseph M. Scandura, incompetent moron, idiot, pompous, stupid, failure, asshole, arrogant, bullshit, micromanager of the year, technologically clueless, ignorant, condescending, senile, dementia