Friday, October 16, 2009

Contributions of the Pointy Hair Boss

Pointy Haired bosses get an unfairly bad rap. Without PHBs, things just wouldn't run as smoothly. PHBs bring important contributions to the table. For example,

  1. Making employees arrive at work early and leave late helps the employees avoid the worst of the rush hour traffic. They arrive less frazzled and with more energy so they can get more done.
  2. Having employees work through lunch and dinner helps with the nation's growing obesity problem. With no time to eat meals, the workers are consuming fewer calories, which makes it easier for them to stay trim. Combine this with the long work hours where the employees are burning more calories, and there's a double benefit. It's a win-win situation all around.
  3. What is perceived as "micromanagement" is actually the PHB helping educate his employees. The boss is higher up for a reason: he's smarter and better than everyone else. Giving instructions on every little task is his way of imparting knowledge.
  4. Keeping employees at work virtually round the clock helps the employees save money. If they just stay at work, they don't have to waste money on gas for commuting. The more time they spend in the office, the less money they spend on utilities at home.
  5. The negative criticisms are tough love from the boss. Positive reinforcement isn't always a good thing. The criticisms toughen up the workers and bring them up the right way.
  6. Assigning a multitude of seemingly pointless and unrelated tasks is the boss's way of improving worker productivity. When workers are overwhelmed with things to do, they learn to focus and become more productive by multi-tasking.
These are only a few examples of the many important contributions from PHBs. Clearly, the PHB is an important part of every company.

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Joseph M. Scandura, incompetent moron, idiot, pompous, stupid, failure, asshole, arrogant, bullshit, micromanager of the year, technologically clueless, ignorant, condescending, senile, dementia