Thursday, September 29, 2011

Unappreciated Benefits

Wired has a story up about the unappreciated benefits of dyslexia. Being dyselxic myself, I feel vindicated. Dyslexia is not a disadvantage. Dyslexics can see the big picture better. That's why I never bothered with the details. I'm the boss. It's my job to see the big picture and let the underlings take care of the details. But this recent news got me thinking about other "handicaps" that really aren't a disadvantage.

Deafness - I can barely hear anything without my hearing aid cranked up to high. But this works to my advantage. I don't have to hear my lazy ass employees whine when I tell them to get to work. I also can blame my hearing and say I misheard them when I have no clue what the hell they are talking about with our products. I can't be bothered with those details, so I just pretend I can't hear them.

Ignorance - They say ignorance is bliss. How true that is. Time and time again, I remained blissfully ignorant of how any of the company's products work. That allows me to focus on my job of managing the workers and leaving the piddily details up to the paid grunts.

Being a crotchety old fart - I don't know why people look at this as such a negative. Studies show that a negative attitude actually helps you pay attention to details more. That's why I maintain a negative attitude towards all my employees. It allows me to better micromanage them when I can be more detail oriented with controlling them.

See, there are two sides to every coin. I've turned my negatives into advantages. That's why I'm the boss of a highly successful company.

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Joseph M. Scandura, incompetent moron, idiot, pompous, stupid, failure, asshole, arrogant, bullshit, micromanager of the year, technologically clueless, ignorant, condescending, senile, dementia