FU F-book

What terrible news. An activist judge ruled that employees can't be fired for talking about a boss on Facebook. It's my policy that my employees should never talk to each other unless I am present. Once they can start talking to each other, especially about work, is a first step to having a union. My employees are already ineffective enough as it is with me constantly watching them. Once they can collude with each other behind my back, they will become even lazier and unproductive.

I should have a new company policy in place: just using Facebook should be grounds for being fired. If you have time to be using Facebook, you just aren't working enough.

Pro-Business = Prosperity

Alberta is Canada's wealthiest province. It also has the lowest minimum wage and fewest child labor restrictions. Do you see the connection? Low paid labor is crucial for prosperity. Overpaying workers is financially irresponsible. The less you can pay your workforce, the more prosperous business will be and ultimately the more prosperous society in general will be. Businesses can generate more wealth if they are not encumbered by employee salaries.

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure."-- Mark Twain

That quote succinctly sums up my management strategy. I don't have to know anything about my product to successfully run my company. In fact, I know basically nothing about it. But what I do know is that I know how to run a company and how to make people get work done. My company has been enormously successful over the years precisely because I'm so ignorant. I pay other people to be competent. That allows me to focus on the important part o the company: being the confident figure head leader.

"Labor" Day

Why is there a holiday called "Labor Day"?  Isn't it just a little assinine to call it a day of work when you give people a day off.  I'd understand it better if it were a day where women could deliver their babies, or people got to repair roads for a day with the chain gang.  But firing up the grill and relaxing is the exact opposite of what I consider "labor."  It's a royal waste of time.  There's only one holiday that's worth anything: Boss's Day.  Give thanks that you even have a job, and do some actual work this Labor Day.

Discontent

"Discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I'll show you a failure." --Thomas Edison

Research shows that workers who are in a bad mood pay more attention to the details and are more productive. That's a guiding principle in my management principles. Happy employees aren't actually doing their work. Thomas Edison realized this principle. A content man isn't doing anything; he's a complete failure. An employee who is discontent is far more likely to be one who is actually doing work. Manage you company to keep the workers unhappy, and you will have a more productive workforce.

An argument for lower wages

The Great Recession is drawing to a close as we see corporate profits go up. What's driving the uptick in financial results? Well, for starters, companies are getting more productivity out of their current employees and paying them less. I have always contended that paying workers more was a huge drag on a company. We see that bearing out in the current economy. With wages correcting back to their correct lower levels, we see companies performing better financially. This is why I like hiring as few employees as possible (preferably just one) and getting as much work out of my employees for as little pay as possible. It's a fun efficiency maximization problem that I enjoy doing for the health of my company.

PHB Resources

As any good PHB knows, it's a tough job to keep a company running. You've got limited resources and a seemingly bottomless money suck known as employees. You have to conserve resources however you can. Here are my top resources for saving the company a little cash:

Free Labor - Too few companies take advantage of the free labor you can get out of interns, especially in the current down economy where there is a glut of people desperate for a foot in the door at a company. Unpaid interns are a great resource. Get a student intern and you're even better off since the parents might very well be paying for all of junior's expenses. Of course, there are also other ways of getting free work out of people, as I've discussed in the past in my Free Labor posts (pt 1, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5).

Free Healthcare - Healthcare benefits are a huge drain on my money and the company. I refuse to pay for someone else's doctor bills. Their health is their responsibility, not mine. But since I have to pay huge taxes to the government anyhow, I may as well use their overpriced services. When an employee has a health problem, I suggest he uses the emergency room. They are obligated to see you at the ER and provide health care regardless of your ability to pay. Since I don't pay my employees that much, they can't afford the ER bill anyhow, so they essentially get free healthcare. Another viable option is to tell them to just get arrested. You can get great (and free) healthcare while incarcertated.

Cheap Food - I find it more that just a little irritating that people have to stop working for silly things like eating. Fortunately, there are ways to mitigate the resource and time suck of food. There are these wonderful things called food stamps and soup kitchens. Since any good PHB should be seeking to pay the least amount of money possible to his employees, one of the first things that can be one is to drop your employees salaries enough that they qualify for government assistance. Let "The Man" pay for that expense rather than having it come out of your pocket. Other viable options if your employees feel like they want to go a little more upscale is to suggest freeganism. Again, you get to shift the costs to someone else.

Lower Equipment Costs - The beauty of drawing on a workforce of independent contractors is that you have lower overhead costs. Not only do you not have to pay any benefits, but you don't actually have to buy any equipment either. Independent contractors use their own resources to accomplish their work. If you outsource to a cheaper country (or insource domestically to a desperate enough worker), you can get cheap labor with no equipment costs. It's a win-win situation for your labor and overhead costs.