Friday, July 24, 2009

Food chain

Chaining workers to their desks is against the law in this country, which is rather unfortunate.  You'd think that OSHA and Dept. of Labor would see the sense in boosting worker production by keeping them at their desks longer.  But short of using a physical chain to keep your underlings tied to their work, there are other subtle ways of implementing desk bondage.

One thing I've done at my company is to abolish lunch breaks.  I'm not actually legally bound to provide a lunch break, so I figure why waste the time and money paying for my workers to lolligag and eat?  Consequently, I don't provide a company kitchen, microwave, or a water cooler.  They can bring their own water bottles if they need to drink, and now with the invention of a USB powered microwave, they can bring their own microwave to work to reheat their food.

Now, don't get me wrong, I still don't like having my underlings eat on the job.  But this brilliant invention works as a nice way of virtually chaining the worker to his desk.  I allow food (but not breaks!) at the desk if it keeps the grunts at their desks longer and working longer.  Couple this baby with a usb powered water cooler and a usb powered toilet, and I may be able to keep everyone at work all the time!

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Joseph M. Scandura, incompetent moron, idiot, pompous, stupid, failure, asshole, arrogant, bullshit, micromanager of the year, technologically clueless, ignorant, condescending, senile, dementia