Monday, June 21, 2010

Bunch of chimps

My employees' inability to get their assigned tasks done is a frequent source of frustration with me. I've often wondered whether a bunch of monkeys would be more productive than my sorry crew of workers. Well, it turns out that a bunch of monkeys might indeed be better than a human workforce. A study of chimpanzees shows that they have better memory skills than humans. My employees stare at me with glazed eyes when I ask them what they were supposed to do. I always thought that they were faking not remembering. Now I know it's that they are stupider than a monkey and really don't have any memory.

It turns out the chimpanzees are also good at using complex tools. I can't even get my employees to figure out how to use their computers. I mean, I'm paying them for their supposed expertise at software, and they can't even fix my printer, get my e-mail working, or get my company software projects up and running. Maybe I should send them back to visit their chimp ancestors and take some lessons on how to use tools to get stuff done.

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Joseph M. Scandura, incompetent moron, idiot, pompous, stupid, failure, asshole, arrogant, bullshit, micromanager of the year, technologically clueless, ignorant, condescending, senile, dementia