Saturday, July 24, 2010

Work Sleep Work

Do you know what the number one productivity killer is? Well, other than inherent employee laziness and ineffectiveness? It's sleep. People have to spend nearly 8 hours a day just sleeping. That's nearly a third of life just flushed down the tubes doing a completely non-productive activity. If we could just eliminate sleep, so much more work would get done. But until science comes up with a way to eliminate sleep, there are ways to reduce sleep:

  1. Caffeine. The drug of choice for battling off droopy eyelids. Coffee, tea, soda, Red Bull, etc. They all keep your workers wired and working longer.
  2. Regular hours. Schedule regular work hours. A routine helps with reducing the amount of necessary sleep. Start the workday around 7 a.m. or so, and end it around 8-9 p.m. Keep this schedule strict.
  3. Uncomfortable bed. If your beds are too comfortable, there's the temptation to stay in them. Remove the comforts, and less sleep is necessary. I make it company-wide policy to suggest lumpy mattresses, removing pillows, no comforters, and no climate controlled temperatures. That way, the workers will want to get out of bed as soon as possible.
  4. Supervision. Nothing wakes up employees faster than the boss looming. I check up on my employees as often as possible (at least 3 times and hour is ideal) to make sure they're making progress and jolt them out of their slumber.
  5. Company sleep quarters. If workers never have to leave company grounds, they can spend more time working. Let peer pressure reduce the amount of sleep and maximize the amount of work.

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Joseph M. Scandura, incompetent moron, idiot, pompous, stupid, failure, asshole, arrogant, bullshit, micromanager of the year, technologically clueless, ignorant, condescending, senile, dementia