Wednesday, June 30, 2010
But I am an open-minded, equal opportunist. Businesses do need to eventually realize that the gender disparity in salary is problematic. There's no reason the male employees should be earning more than the female employees. Coming from my years of experience running a tight ship at my own company, I can tell you that this is a prime opportunity for companies to use the rise of women in the workforce to their advantage. Women are providing competition for the men. We can use that as a way to drive the male salaries down and reduce the company overhead costs.
Friday, June 25, 2010
If you look at the number of vacation days broken down by country, you can see why I make it a point never to hire Europeans. They expect a month of vacation time. I can't afford to have my employees taking that much time off. It's no wonder they get nothing done across the pond. If they're constantly off frolicking on vacation, how are they being productive and getting things done? On the other hand, the Japanese don't usually use only about half of their vacation days. Better than the lazy Americans. I'd hire more Japanese workers if those silly Asians would just learn to speak better English.
According to a recent survey, 34 percent of Americans do not use all their vacation days. For a country proud of its Protestant work ethic, this figure is appalling. That means that 66 percent are taking more time off than everyone else. And what is it with employed workers taking vacation days? Those are days of no work and productivity, which is a royal waste if you ask me.
Monday, June 21, 2010
It turns out the chimpanzees are also good at using complex tools. I can't even get my employees to figure out how to use their computers. I mean, I'm paying them for their supposed expertise at software, and they can't even fix my printer, get my e-mail working, or get my company software projects up and running. Maybe I should send them back to visit their chimp ancestors and take some lessons on how to use tools to get stuff done.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
1. Have you ever publicly criticized an employee?
2. Do you take credit for your employees’ work?
3. Do your employees fear you?
4. Do you expect employees to do what you tell them without question?
5. Do you believe employees should know what to do without you telling them or providing guidelines?
6. Are you a yeller?
7. Do you demean employees as a form of punishment?
8. Do you play favorites?
9. Do you hate delegating?
10. Do you check everyone’s work?
Done with the quiz? Excellent. Here are my answers for comparison:
1. Of course. Public ridicule is a highly effective method of shaming employees into performing. I didn't study pyschology for nothing.
2. Why wouldn't I take credit? I'm paying them to do the work, so the work belongs to me! What a silly questions. Next!
3. If they don't, then they should. I'll have to ramp up my screaming boss routine to make sure.
4. Duh! That's what they're paid to do. I'm the boss because I'm supposed to give orders to the underlings. They are underlings because they're not smart enough to be boss. Asking questions just pisses me off and wastes time.
5. Yes. If they don't know what they are doing already, then they are incompetent. They should be fired ASAP.
6. HELL YES! I HAVE TROUBLE HEARING MYSELF, SO I MAKE SURE TO SPEAK UP AND MAKE SURE I CAN HEAR MYSELF AND THAT EVERYONE ELSE CAN HEAR ME. THAT WAY I CAN BE SURE EVERYONE HEARD MY INSTRUCTIONS.
7. See answer #1. I've learned from my psychology training that negative reinforcement can be an incredibly powerful tool for getting employees into action.
8. Finally, my "no" answer. I can't possibly play favorites when all of my employees are equally incompetent.
9. Absolutely not. I'm the boss. It's natural for me to delegate all the work.
10. Always! Like I mentioned above, all of my employees are #$%#% incompetent. I have to check to make sure that they did their assigned task exactly as instructed. Besides, if I didn't check, they would most likely just blow off the task. It's critical to check up on everyone's work several times throughout the day.