Saturday, May 9, 2009

The Bright Side of Recession: Increased Bossiness

By far, the biggest advantage of being el jefe is getting to tell other people what to do.  When other people do your bidding, it lessens the amount of work you have to do.  If you play your cards right, you don't actually have to do any real work.

Every so often (perhaps too often), you get an employee who doesn't like being bossed around all the time.  Those ungrateful punks stick around because you're their primary source of income.  You hold the tenuous reins of control via a monetary leash.  These are your headache employees.  You run the risk of losing these troublesome employees unless you relinquish some your pointy-haired perks or pay them more to put up with you.

Economic downturns, like the current toilet swirling market, are opportunities to deal with these pesky, black sheep employees.  Though the market may be total crap, your grip of the managerial reins tightens.  High unemployment instills the fear of job loss into the hearts of your peons underlings.  Fear is your tool for solidifying your control and securing your place amongst the pointy haired greats. Let your employees know that with so many people looking for jobs that they are easily replaceable. Use the recession to your advantage: push your employees further underneath your thumb or use the recession as an excuse to decrease their pay.  Bonus points if you can accomplish both!

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Joseph M. Scandura, incompetent moron, idiot, pompous, stupid, failure, asshole, arrogant, bullshit, micromanager of the year, technologically clueless, ignorant, condescending, senile, dementia